#149: Lullabies

I seriously need a constant stream of lullabies by my bed so I can sleep through the night. For the past three nights, I have not able to actually go to sleep until late. Then, I'm constantly waking up (every one to two hours). I hear every sound, every murmur, every creak of the boards in my house. I know exactly who, in my eight-person household, is awake and moving around the house and what door they are closing or opening.

I'm not sure why sleep has been eluding me. The people I've mentioned it to have suggested stress and asked if I was having wedding nightmares. The first two nights there were no wedding nightmares, but last night was a doozy. I remember waking up, feeling pretty anxious.  In my dream, J and I somehow ended up very far away from our wedding venue, away from our guests AND I had spilled food on my dress. Tragic. There were some other details, but I currently don't remember what they were. J has assured me that this will not happen. Phew.

I'll admit it. The stress of wedding planning is starting to get to me. Considering it's 100 days from tomorrow (!!!!), that's understandable. There's been so much going on in my house and with my family lately, that it just adds to that stress. I'll share some of the happenings in later posts.

I'm not stressed about being married. I'm stressed about GETTING married. I don't get nervous at the thought of vowing to love and respect someone for the rest of my life. I get nervous at the thought that my guests will not be fed enough food. I don't get nervous when I think of all the hard times J and I will endure throughout the rest of our lives. I get nervous at the thought of the wrong song being played at the wrong time. I have poured so much energy and time (not to mention money) into this event, that I'm nervous everything will go wrong.

Then I tell myself: if, at the end of the day, I am married to my best friend, nothing else that happens on that day will matter. It could rain, they could serve the wrong food, I could trip and fall down the stairs in my four inch heels (okay, that one might matter), people could hate my cake, or our reception entrance song might get messed up. But none of these things can stop me from marrying the love of my life. And that's all that matters.