No, this isn't aimed at you readers who don't comment (although it would be fitting! I've been feeling a little unloved lately!), but rather it's about the topic of communication!
I've always believed that any successful relationship, whether it be romantic, friendly or family, has to have open lines of communication. You can't be in a happy, flourishing relationship without it. Without communication, ties can become stagnant, without progress and without hope.
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if our relationship had taken place one hundred years ago, or even fifteen. No internet, no texting, landline phones only; how would we handle it? Would we be as successful as we are now? I'm sure letter writing (ah, the lost art) would be our primary form of communication. J and I have written each other letters (well, mostly I send cards and he sends letters. what can I say? Hallmark steals the words right out of my mouth sometimes!) and we talk on the phone at least once a day (even if it's only for ten minutes), but let's face it: we text and facebook/gchat A LOT.
But more than just that sense of communication is the idea of being transparent and not hiding things from each other. Being open and honest is SO important. I remember back in the beginning of our relationship I would omit certain things or feelings I was having from a conversation with J because I didn't want to hurt his feelings. Now, almost four years later, I realize that omitting those things really hurt our foundation. We've had to work through a lot of things (and by we, I mean I) to get to where we are now. I'm sure there are still things that don't get brought up, but I'm certain once we're married and living in the same city/house, that will change. There will be an urgency to our issues because we will be cohabitating and not just chatting on the phone or on gchat.
Since we've been engaged, there have been a lot of issues brought up and worked through. I can only hope that this progression continues as we work through our premarital counseling and through the beginning stages of our marriage.
I openly welcome any ideas/suggestions/thoughts on how to keep open lines of communication, especially from those that are/have been married!
I think that trying to not make assumptions about Nathan's feelings or motives have helped me to keep our communication open and honest. If I don't assume that I already know how he feels or why he did something, I will actually ask him. The answers I get can be surprising! If I also don't assume that he understands my feelings without telling him, I can avoid a lot of miscommunication.
ReplyDeleteAnother thing is to not take good communication for granted. Communication takes a conscious awareness; it doesn't just happen. If you consistently evaluate how your relationship is doing, I think that makes it easier to prevent unspoken issues from festering. At least this is what I've gathered from the past two years :) Sounds like you're doing a great job! You are right, living together does change it....for the better! So excited for you both :)